The sailor tells stories of winds, the ploughman of bulls, and I tell stories of…?


The Entertaining Speaker. Project 1 “Entertain using humour or drama from your personal experience; Organize entertaining speech; Deliver in an interpretative manner.”


Wow would you look at that!…another white wall that isn’t. White is never white…It could be new white, house white, great white!  That is before you consider if is cream, smoker’s teeth, or simply off. There is a good career to be had in naming whites.

I am digressing and stalling again….I do that a lot….what I am here to do is to entertain you with something that is relevant using my personal experience.

I had an hour and a half to think about entraining you whilst I walked in from Newport Pagnell today. Do you know I saw a fox with smoky brown fir, my first in two year, trot right up to me, stop and quizzically check me out before scampering off around a stack of bales. This has got to be one of the best years for the deep burgundy red cherries, the vibrant banks of purple vetches seething with buzzy bees, and the curious rooks hopping along for a while. You have reward that and savour the wonders of nature. Two hours later I get into work. None the wiser.

Procrastination! I bet that is an experience we all get! I am sure we all put-off the difficult job whilst we ponder what we wish will pish-off. I do! I was terrible at university and I am worse now.

Application forms do my head in. I am ok with name and address. Please write your email address in the ten little character boxes below.  Please detail employment history and employer star signs all the way into the last millennium right down to your last Saturday morning job. Please detail your educational history all he way back including the middle names of all your chief examiners. Please (this bit comes last in small print) fill this form out in Civil Service off Black quill ink.

In December whilst most people are pre-occupied with Christmas I can often sneak a lot of time to catch up with writing academic papers. In December I’ve applied to more professional learned societies than written academic papers. In December direct debits are not welcome, but I do love the cute professional post nominal letters. In December I’ve resigned from more professional societies than ever written academic papers.

You desperately phone around friends. Smart-arse! how could they have got it all done a month before the assignment was even set. Then the phone goes, it is your mate, and you abruptly tell him you have no time as you are finishing that assignment.  “OK mate I have to admire your discipline I’ve got a terrible problem with procrastination”. Do you? Let’s talk about that over a pint tonight? The bar staff chips in “I have a procrastination problem as well”. My pint if you please!

At 10pm in blind panic and fear out comes the Caffeine, the liquid sugar with Caffeine, and the Paracetemol with Caffeine. At 2 in the morning you need a breather with a trip to all night garage to get breakfast. Great time to wonder silently at urban foxes. At 4 in the morning the dawn chorus explodes. At 6 in the morning colour fills the sky YES from your puffy-eyed face and swollen limbed body

The UK chairman of  Massey Ferguson came to present to the University milk round the same day as a major essay deadline. Up he strode …an immense man, speaking immense word at an immense moment for our careers. I bet the chap thought he was at an Elvis, Mao, and Lenin after-life convention. All I saw was a sea of embalmed faces bobbing up and down as waves micro napping and starting awake pulsed across the room.

Never again! WHOLE month or more to ponder the next assignment. but first i am sauntering off for a swift pint and serious sleep.

Supplementary material

Ellen DeGeneres – Procrastination

The sailor tells stories of the winds, the ploughman of bulls;

the soldier counts his wounds, the shepherd his sheep.

Sextus Propertius, in Elegies, Book II, no. i, lines 43-4

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